Because of the dailiness of these posts, I can’t give them unlimited amounts of time, which is what some of them need. Yesterday’s post was a little scattered but this morning became more clear. In the interest of full disclosure, I just edited #39 (and marked it as edited) by deleting one sentence, which I will now address more fully.
I did not lose a sense of myself from putting my family above my own needs. As I’m sure my family will attest, I have always taken care of myself–with trips to France and spa visits and writing retreats. My own particular brand of weirdness stems from wanting to be private–which is what started this project. So private that I hid myself from myself. (I am really good.) I’m like the opposite of the whole private/public debate. I need to share more, not less to move the needle back to the middle.
Possibly the inability to take time for myself when the kids are here that I was talking about yesterday stems from the relatively new fact that they no longer live here. So they are either here or gone. Which feeds the no-middle-ground type of thinking.
I just need to remember what I know about myself–that I am happiest if I take a little time for me each day.