journal: 3/365

I’ve never kept a journal.

BECAUSE I NEVER WANTED ANYONE TO FIND IT!

Anyone.

So basically this whole project scares me to death.

You’d think I’d be worried about the dailiness of it, the commitment (and I can see how that could shape up to be a real technical problem) but it’s the sharing I’m most afraid of.

And it’s not because I’m afraid people won’t like who I really am; I just don’t want people to know who I really am. And I don’t know why that is.

I don’t get scared often. That feeling where you can’t move and your brain and your skin are tingling and there’s a weight on your chest and you have no idea what’s going to happen next. That’s how I feel right now.

And I’m going after that beast.

~

 365 true things about me

24 thoughts on “journal: 3/365

  1. I’m loving this project of yours – and well done for tackling this beast! I am also a writer who has never kept a journal and I’ve felt so guilty about not keeping one that I’ve never admitted it to anyone. Until right now! 🙂

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  2. I don’t journal either, though my writer’s notebooks might hint about what’s happening in my life, but only in a oblique way, only what I’m thinking about as life swirls on. That feeling you have, sounds like the best place – the DIScomfort zone!

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  3. I, too, am among the writers who do not keep a daily journal. From time to time, I have kept what I call “daily writing.” It resembles a writer’s notebook but the practice has never stayed beyond a year, if my memory is accurate (BIG if). The beast you describe reminds me of my first two years as a blogger. The pursuit is worth it for the beast doth tame. Good for you, Cynthia.
    Karen

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  4. I am terrified with you. Too afraid to even comment on your first two posts. But focusing on the previous sentence with examples of the 3 twos just calmed me and cracked me up. Anyway, I’m so proud of you for “going after that beast.” xo

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  5. and I have forever… only kept a journal…
    putting myself out here… sharing my thoughts out loud…
    IS a BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal)… see wiki… 🙂

    ‘Lead on MacDuff’ !!!

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  6. Keep it up, Baby! I just cleaned out my office for the big move and found 10 journals with the first 10-15 pages filled in and then…nothing. Should I: Rip pages out and save in a folder? Keep journals and someday write in them, imperfect order, no real plan. Burn the whole damn pile and start fresh? I’m taking votes.

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  7. Pingback: blank: 50/365 | catching days

  8. Remember how often we used to say, “I’m like that, too!” Bingo re a journal. I also once stole letters I’d written to a former boyfriend, and then again a couple I’d written to a former friend, when the opportunities arose, b/c it killed me that they had private communications from me. I was so hoping I could leave this world without the slightest mark of my existence. And then I discovered I wanted to be a writer. Damn. But back to you: By going after that beast, you’re inspiring us all.

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    • Yes, I do remember. I never even thought about stealing back letters… OMG, your sentence, I was so hoping I could leave this world without the slightest mark of my existence rings so true.

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