letting go of consciousness

More from John Steinbeck

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March 6, 1951, Tuesday.  “No sleep last night but I feel fine.  And I don’t even know why I didn’t sleep.  I was perfectly comfortable.  Just couldn’t let go of consciousness.  Funny thing.” 

Journal of a Novel:  The East of Eden Letters

I couldn’t sleep last night, and I don’t know why either.  I too was perfectly comfortable.  But I felt like my fingers were clawing the ceiling and refusing to let go, despite my brain saying, don’t think about that now.

Despite his lack of sleep, Steinbeck writes, “Now, once to the toilet and I will go to work.”  Then, “It is so strange what one writes down.”  After a space break,

“And there’s that day’s work done.”

last night

Last Night is a slim volume of ten stories by James Salterimg_1264 James is his real name.  Salter is a pseudonym adopted because he was in the air force when he began to write. He was a fighter pilot who flew with Buzz Aldrin, Ed White and Gus Grissom.  In July of 2004, just before this collection was published, I heard him read from one of these stories, “Such Fun.”  He was 79 at the time.  Someone in the audience asked him about what he liked to read.  His answer: “I don’t read for pleasure anymore.  I read because I want to see how they did it.”  He said he writes longhand first and then types.

From his story, “My Lord You,” here’s an example of Salter’s ability to say so much with so few words (the wife was in the bathroom getting ready for bed):

“–Tired? her husband asked as she emerged. It was his way of introducing the subject.  –No, she said.”

In “Platinum,” look for another example of his ability to say it without saying it….

Again in “My Lord You,” an example of Salter’s ability to create a world with a few details:

“The hallway was dim.  Beyond it was a living room in disorder, couch cushions rumpled, glasses on the tables, papers, shoes.  In the dining room there were piles of books.  It was the house of an artist, abundance, disregard.”

Also, in “Bangkok,”:  “The rooms had high ceilings, the bookcases were filled and against them, on the floor, a few framed photographs leaned.”

In “Such Fun,” an example of his wit:

“There was not much more to her than met the eye, but that had always been enough.”

In “Give,” Salter does what he is so good at–writes about marriage.

My three favorite stories:  “Give,” “Bangkok,” and “Last Night.”

there it goes

img_1252New Year’s Day is a pause for me.  I lie on the sofa and watch movies and football.  I let life happen outside of me and around me.  Then yesterday I spent the entire day in action–restoring order after the holidays.   Chopping wood, carrying water.  Untangling Christmas lights.  Two very different days, but two days I let slip through–catching nothing.  Instead of an inner life, an outer life. Today, I’m hoping to restore order in my study; there are piles everywhere.  I’m starting here. 

At the end of each of the last few days, I’ve thought of the line from The Hours by Michael Cunningham:

“Laura reads the moment as it passes.  Here it is, she thinks; there it goes.  The page is about to turn.”

The last few days, nothing written on the page.  Today, big hopes.